Fifty Shades of Confusion? A Guide to BDSM for Beginners

Is it just us, or does everyone seem a little kinkier these days? TV and movie screens are steamier than ever, especially after the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon. However, titillating as Tinseltown is, Hollywood should not serve as your BDSM guide.

If you’re ready to spice up your love life and learn more about BDSM for beginners, say, “Yes, master.”

Good boys and girls, we’re going to dispel rumors and misinformation on our way to better understanding this kinky subculture. Don’t worry, this won’t hurt a bit⏤unless you want it to!

What is BDSM?

BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. As the name implies, practicing BDSM is usually an erotic exercise in power dynamics and control. BDSM doesn’t encompass one act; it’s an umbrella term that covers multiple lifestyles.

Exotic sex lives aren’t as uncommon as you might think. For BDSM beginners, it can be surprising to realize how big the community is. In a recent survey, 30% of respondents revealed they had tried some form of BDSM.

Guide to BDSM acts

Dominant and submissive roles are the key component of BDSM relationships. During play, the “sub” consents to giving up power to the dom. Once you establish these roles, there’s no limit to the types of acts partners can share. Here are some of the most common BDSM acts:

• Impact play: This is the act of striking a sub. It runs the gamut from light spanking to leather whips.
• Bondage: Whether the dom uses ropes, cuffs, or straps, bondage is any act of restraint.
• Discipline: Any act where the dom disciplines the sub.
• Sensory play: A favorite for BDSM beginners, a mask or blindfold can heighten physical touch.
• Humiliation: Degrading the sub with words or actions.
• Worship: When the dom expects the sub to praise them to the point of worship.

While this BDSM guide is intended to help beginners navigate new kinks, we don’t have enough room to touch on every style of dom and discipline. Exploring BDSM will reveal every flavor imaginable!

Before you get started

We don’t blame you for wanting to get started right away—BDSM is exciting! However, a little preparation will go a long way before diving in. The BDSM world practices the Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RISK) concept.

Of course, you won’t be able to participate in BDSM without some risks. However, being aware of them ensures a safe session with informed partners. You must have consent during all sexual interactions.

Communication is key

The most important part of BDSM for beginners is communication. Consensual and safe BDSM requires a conversation before any act. This talk is when you’ll agree on the types of acts and positions you’re both comfortable with.

Establishing guidelines and boundaries ensures everyone is safe and comfortable. When you can play without stress, you can focus on pushing yourself to the furthest reaches of pleasure!

Do your research

Knowledge is power. If you’ve heard of something kinky that interests you, research it! There’s no shortage of hyper-specific BDSM guides about all types of acts. Understanding what you’re doing before you jump in keeps everyone involved safe and ensures you have the best experience.

Basics of BDSM

For BDSM beginners, basic concepts are the building blocks required to form boundaries and give your playtime its shape. After all, you can’t get a thrill from kink unless you know the boundaries you’re pushing.

Choose a safe word

Even with proper communication, boundaries for BDSM beginners can come up unexpectedly. That’s why choosing a safe word is essential.

Choose a non-sexual word to guide BDSM sessions and keep them within everyone’s limits. Be sure the word is unique and not something you’d ever actually say during sex.

Start slow

Regardless of where you want to end up on your kinky journey, always start slow. Light impact and sensory play will help you and your partner get accustomed to the BDSM play space.

More intense practices often require skill and experience to perform safely. Like any good dom knows, you’ll need to crawl (sometimes literally) before you can walk.

Aftercare

Aftercare is an incredibly beneficial practice for BDSM beginners. Whether you’re dominant or submissive, the intense emotions involved in BDSM can flood your head with hormones. By engaging in post-play care, you can help ease each other back to a balanced state.

There’s no one way to approach aftercare. It can include cuddling, talking about the session, or showering together. However you decide to do it, aftercare is essential as it helps guide BDSM partners safely back to reality.

Recommended products for BDSM beginners

Now that you know more about BDSM, check out some of our toys and bondage kits to help you get started.

Ready to explore?

At the end of the day, BDSM is pretty simple: communicate, keep your partner safe, and have fun! Regardless of your kink, there is a world of unimaginable pleasure that awaits when you take the steps to define and push your sexual boundaries. 

Are you ready to start? Say, “Yes, master!”

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