The Lust List: 7 Seductive Tips for Rekindling Carnal Chemistry

What is lust?

Lust is defined as having an intense sexual desire for another person. It often happens when you first meet someone and are initially attracted to them. It’s a primal feeling of longing for someone else, and it often comes with the excitement and anticipation of a new, potential partner. Lust can be present in casual and more serious relationships, but it can be tough to maintain it in long-term relationships in marriages.

What’s the difference between love and lust?

Love typically involves a deeper emotional involvement. Lust, on the other hand, is mainly caused by superficial physical attraction. With lust, you can crave intimate moments without any emotional bond. But with love, you’re attracted to the whole person, including their personality and values. Love can deepen over time, whereas lust relates solely to the desire aspect. Can you be in love and in lust? The answer is yes.

While your love for someone deepens as time goes on, the opposite can happen to lust. As the initial excitement subsides and routine settles in, how do you hold onto that lust from the beginning? It’s all about embracing new experiences—here are some of our favorites.

1. Bring sexual roleplay into your relationship

Sex role play isn’t just a way to rekindle that spark—it’s a creative way to explore sexual fantasies like power play and other kinks while creating a safe space to have an open dialogue about your sex life. Use your imagination and stock up on some costumes or lingerie, or dive into the daring world of power dynamics.

There are also several roleplay ideas without accessories or costumes. You can pretend that you’re strangers as a means of regaining that desire. Start in the comfort of your own home or meet in a bar or hotel as though you’ve never seen each other before. Alternatively, you can pretend it’s your first time, which can fill the moment with sexual frustration and anticipation just waiting to burst. In reality, first times aren’t always the best. So why not recreate that moment now that you have more skills?

2. Experiment with bedroom costumes and lingerie

To take things to the next level, put on a sexy bedroom costume like a sexy maid, nurse, or schoolgirl look. With a sexy nurse look, consider playing doctor and your partner a ‘physical’ as foreplay. No matter what scene you decide to act out, discuss details beforehand, including the roles you’ll be playing and the setting.

In a broader sense, roleplay just means stepping out of a boring routine and spicing something up in a way that’s outside the norm. Perhaps this means rocking lingerie and a wig to embrace your wild alter ego. Lingerie essentials like bodystocking, fishnet thigh highs, and crotchless or regular teddies paired with pasties can be versatile additions to your roleplay collection and more approachable than more structured scenes. Looking to explore power dynamics? One person can put on sexy lingerie and then slowly undress according to their partner’s commands.

3. Experiment with erotica and dirty talk

Even when we plan a date night, it can be easy to get stuck in the rut of your usual routine. And while sex toys are one of the best ways for couples to reconnect, they aren’t the only way to shake things up. Watching ethical porn together or listening to audio porn on a platform like Dipsea can bring a playful sense of imagination and fantasy into the bedroom. If you’re on the way back from a dinner date, you can even listen to it on the ride home to make things even more exciting. Erotica can help you learn what positions, kinks, or fantasies you’d like to try with each other and bring even more novelty to the experience.

Finally, boost your sexual satisfaction with some dirty talk to drive each other wild. You can whisper how your partner turns you on, what you love about their body, and what you’re going to do to them. Don’t get too in your head about it, but if you’re going to call each other anything derogatory or potentially offensive, be sure to discuss it beforehand. Porn can also help you if you’re lacking inspiration in this area.

4. Try sex games for an unforgettable date night

When you know everything about each other, that erotic tension can dwindle. Up the ante and sensual energy with sexy games, from dice and card sets to board games that help you learn more about the other person and their secret turn-ons.  Dice games have an element of unpredictability, guiding you to perform certain acts on different body parts, while card games can have a more visual element for some racy inspiration. 

5. Explore BDSM

A great way to dip your toes into roleplay is to explore the dominant and submissive dynamic, as well as sensation play. Always have a safeword in place and communicate clearly, getting consent on all acts before you try them. The person in the submissive role might put on a blindfold and cuffs or bed restraints while their dominant partner uses a vibrator, stroker, or dildo on them, controlling their pleasure. If the idea of pain is appealing, consider impact play. Start by spanking with a hand, and then graduate to more intense tools like a flogger, paddle, or whip.

You can also heighten erotic pleasure and revitalize that spark by tracing a feather or a Wartenberg wheel on the body (you can experiment with pressure based on preferences, play with taste via flavored lubes, or pour warm, body-safe wax on someone.

6. Explore mutual masturbation

If your sexual routine always consists of the same position, things can get a little monotonous. Instead, get spontaneous. Embrace your inner voyeur and exhibitionist by masturbating in front of each other until you climax. Watching your partner play with themselves, either with their hands or a sex toy, can be a major turn-on and can act as a prelude to a hotter partnered session. However, as a standalone activity, it’s a low-pressure way to infuse your relationship with lust once more and see each other in a new light.

7. Don’t take yourself too seriously

Whether you’re talking dirty to each other, watching porn, or trying out a new fantasy, keep things light and playful to minimize the pressure, and remember: practice makes perfect. Lean into the silly, sometimes awkward nature of trying new things in the bedroom and have fun. Laughter is sexy, especially with someone you know and trust, and you’re not being graded (unless you’re trying out some steamy teacher and student roleplay). Lean into the moment, and don’t be afraid to get spontaneous. After all—that’s what lust is all about.

Don’t let your passion fizzle out—these tips are foolproof ways to keep that sexual tension going, even decades into a relationship.